when it turns into woulda coulda shoulda.

what if i did know the truth? what would i do with it? would i preach it to the world? would i use it to my advantage? would i make millions from it? would it make my life any better? would it matter at all? would it save me? would it hurt me to know? would i love it? would it stay the same forever? would it change for the better? would it change me? could i share it with my friends? could i keep it for the right moment? could i explain it to others? could it change me? should i let it be known? should i keep it in mind? should i give it all away? should it change me?
is it like those perfections that are unattainabley beautiful, but the instant we feel contentment it becomes imperfect? or is it the plain that all this is built on?
does it show itself the fleeting pale face of a lover? or is it there in front of my eyes, hidden like the gaudy sun?
would i know it like i know you? after all these years?

head locked in a box

de la poesie pour ton sale tete de pasteque, eh oh! merde! ca suffit alors!

this sun is too hot, i seek the moon
this water is too sweet, i seek the sea
this comfort is too soft, i seek the restless
this smile is too warm, i seek the staring
this food is too good, i seek the empty
this wine is too heady, i seek the thirst
this cut is too deep, i seek the bruise
this plate is too round, i seek the shard
this light is too bright, i seek the blinding
this bed is too soft, i seek the floor
those eyes are too knowing, i seek the stranger
this outside is too engulfing, i seek the beyond-the-beyond
this flame is too warming, i seek the lonely night-walk
this hand is too tired, i seek the resting
this drop is too rhythmic, i seek the broken
this ruby is too perfect, i seek the shattering
this fear is too strong, i seek the acceptance
this word is too right, i seek the denoted
this step is too firm, i seek the stumbling
this wind is too sharp, i seek the enhazed
this thought is too overborne, i seek the forgetting
this code is too cryptic, i seek the epiphane
this world is too perfect, i seek the flaw
this life is too short, i seek the dying
this dream is too real, i seek the waking

babylon by bus!

let me tell you a story: one night on a full moon, when i was still a young man, during a harsh blizzard, i went to see michael rose at a bar. i had seen flyers here and there on street poles and had decided that whatever happened i'd see michael rose. the day had come and i prepared by listening to albums of mine which had michael rose in them. i stepped out of the house and saw that the snow was up to my knees and the plows hadn't come by yet. i think it was the worst snow storm of that year. i was going to take a bus but they weren't running. so i trudged on. it was eerily quiet. just the soft whispers of the wind and the crystalline tinkling of the snow. the city seemed so weird, so hushed. the steady crunching of my shoes on the snow. the snow colored by the street lights and traffic lights and neon signs. not even a police car drove by, it was dead. it was like walking on the moon. i stopped by the canal after crossing the overpass and sat down at a bench. i lit a smoke and enjoyed the full moon. spumes of my hot breath and cigarette smoke curling in the dead air and rising up into the sky. it was so still, like i was a ghost. i finished my smoke and continued on my trek. all the stores were closed even most the bars, irene's, the oak, lansdowne, all closed. this was not a good sign but i trudged on. it wasn't cold, the walk warmed me and the snow meant that it stayed around zero. the snowflakes on the ground hadn't compressed or melted together and each one glittered as i walked. catching the light and twinkling. each one unique in shape so it had to catch the light just right for me to see it, but there were millions of them. it reminded me of kicking sand. i ran into a homeless man at the corner of gladstone and bank, he asked for some change and i gave him some and noticed his bracelet. "wwjd". he saw me looking at it and explained "what would jesus do?". "he'd go for a walk..." i said with a laugh. he laughed too. "take care brother stay warm" it was easy for me to say i was going to see michael rose then go home. i don't know what became of him. i finally got to the club. it was dead empty. i walked in like babes in toyland. a big smile on my face. i walked up to the bar and smiled at the beautiful bartender. she was in her early thirties with shoulder length straight blond hair and dark green eyes framed by square black plastic glasses. "when's michael rose gonna play?" i asked beaming. "oh. the show's cancelled, his bus broke down in detroit." she said. i shrugged my shoulders and smiled. "i'll have a guinness then".

burning books

what if i'm not as important to god's grand scheme of things as i assume? what if i'm not even the black color on the fiber of a speck in a dot that forms a line that's part of an abstract symbol that makes a letter in a word in an archaic phrase that's part of a sentence in a paragraph on an old dusty page in an obscure chapter of a forgotten volume in a dead language hidden in a library in an illiterate society? but then without me the pigment wouldn't show, the letter wouldn't be complete, the word wouldn't make sense, the sentence would be wrong, the paragraph would be useless, the chapter would mislead, the volume would be incomplete, society's knowledge would be lacking. spank that ass!

like dropping from the edge

colin powell charles bronson thoreau

willy jo back from the quar

willy jo is back, unfortunately cletus is still awol. i don't spend as much time on here though so i guess it don't matter none.

Cletus and Willy Jo! Where are you???

I went to the truckparking link and i was unpleasantly surprised. I was expecting to find my good rouge-gorged friends but all i got was some other thing. Not that it was bad, i was just in the mood for some filthy down home style hilarity... I'll keep the link up as a memoriam... And maybe the south will rise again... without the slavery and limited gene-pooling.

Now that's an able danger!!!

I like how the media was toning down the whole VP Dick Cheney incident. He "peppered" Mr. Whittington, "sprayed", "hosed with birdshot". Maybe the media should have told it the way it was. The motherfucka got shot in the face! If i took a shotgun blast to the face i'd get into hip hop and come out with a platinum record! Then we gon party like it's my birthday!

Anyways... Same ole same ole.
Anyone interested in joining the United States Marine Corps? www.marines.com The only career you will ever want, if you are the best of the best that is.

ungood news

my very bestest friend is sick...

Still alive...

Hello all!
I've finally gotten (regular) access to a comp. At the public libarry! So i'll try and upload some more of my wonderful adventures. I've found a new job! it's the same ole job as before. Retail specialist for a major oil concern... I pump gas. Anyways jerks. I'll seeya round online...

happy new year jerkasses!

What the ass is this?

Hello my sweetlings,
How goes the online world? I haven't been on in forever, but c'est la vie when you're partying it up with a bunch of illegal aliens... It's been raining constantly out here and hopefully it'll flood. Not much new news to chat about. I had a conspiracy theory about cloud forming sprays and hurricanes and all that wonderful stuff(this one goes deep, and all the way to the top...) but not much time to type it in so i'll save it for another session. I'm still trying to decide what to dress up as for the aliens' halloween party. Maybe i'll do the ole trusty briefs and a towel cape costume... or maybe i'll dress up as an INS agent...HA! Great idea!

Some have been wondering...

There has been a sharp drop off in posts due to the fact that i am now in New Jersey... So you could say that i've run out of thought energy.
But here's thought for food:
The President said keep your chin up cause we'll spend whatever it takes!
The Governor said keep your chin up cause she's taken responsibility and things will get done!
The Mayor said keep your chin up cause we will rebuild and be better than before!
I say keep your chin up cause the water is up to your neck!

Wow...

It's amazing how morons can ruin things. I should rename this blog a tribute to morons who think they are atheists. But then alot more other morons who happen to be atheists would think that this is an anti-atheist blog. And there would be morons who believe in God or Gods that would get angry for me labelling them atheists... Either way one loses out to morons. Is it such a good thing to have the internet where every Tom, dick and moron can publish moron statements leading to the moronification of the world? And the worst kind of moron is a moron who thinks he's smart or right, that last statement doesn't mean that there are no female morons, but that I've only met the male variety on here. Such a shame. Maybe i'll just remove the ability to comment. Save myself a pestering of moronic proportions. They really should have IQ tests for people who want to have kids. At least that way we can control the moron population. It's harsh but the world will be a better place. And ***blah***(no use starting an international conundrum!) should really tighten up on moron control. They can make it illegal to chew gum and have long hair but they can't make smart people on blogs... Maybe when the world is under one governement we can all change that. And by we I mean those of us who aren't morons.

It's all going to hell...

Apparently the situation in the South is getting worse. And the economy is screwed too. Gas prices have sky rocketed and are only going higher. I think the housing bubble is going to pop, cause of the loss of lumber stockpiles. Inflation is going to start rising again too which isn't going to help there. Food is going to get more expensive, not only because of the gas prices and transport fees but cause of the damage to the water ways that agriculture uses to transport their product. The midwest is going to lose money, because the Mississippi is shut down in Louisiana, and they can't get their products to port that way. This is probably gonna cost another $100 billion. The last industries that i can think of that the U.S. is going to have left are the tourist industry, Hollywood and entertainment, and the private security firms.

As far as I can tell...

Apparently, calling yourself an atheist on these blogs is supposed to make you special and smarter than everyone else, at least if you read most of the other atheist blogs. Alot of them like to hear their own voices(or read their own words as it were.) and don't really have much to contribute. There are a few good atheist blogs out there but most of them are similar to the evangelical Christian ones. I guess labelling one's self an atheist doesn't mean that you have an open mind. Instead it means (for most of them out there) that you are a scientist and a man of knowledge... through association and without credentials of course. I don't think this speaks badly for atheists, it just speaks badly for humans in general. The need to feel better than others in a social heirarchy, be it through lavish expenditures or feeling as though you are privvy to the "truth" is just a part of human nature, driven by the ego which is rooted in the self. And it can be a very strong force in alot of people's lives. Because they do need to feel special after all for whatever reason. And there are too many special ones out there.

Priorities, it's like an obsession...

Did anyone catch the press conference of the secretaries of everything on CNN? I thought it was kind of weird that so many people who need food, shelter, sanitation, water, and evacuation and the first thing that they talk about is loosening the restrictions on gas refining so that gas prices will stabilize(at their current prices i wouldn't call it stability). I understand the need for gasoline for emergency vehicles and such but why now? The spokesman for the weather service predicted EXACTLY what was going to happen with Hurricane Katrina when it was off the coast of Florida. CNN would have little blurbs about The President's thoughts on opening up the Strategic Oil Reserves: The President is considering, he's mulling, The President is expected to.... I understand that the oil reserves are an important asset that should be used sparingly. But what were they expecting to happen? Optimism is grand and i know that no one can predict the future, but what about past lessons? And all the warnings prior? Oh well, it's a shame but at least now the people are starting to get the help they need.

Doodlings by the artist....

I hope you like this little doodle I did of Das Hammer's profile pic.

Lost in the woods, and then an African Festival...

Today my stepfather and i went out to see a lot that interested him and my mother. It was out in the boonies. There was a class 6 road that led to the lot. It was 15.26 acres in area, with 11 of those acres being what i would call "wild". It wasn't a bad drive, and the day was kind of cool. We parked the car in a "driveway" and set off on foot to see the lot. We got to it and an old man was walking into a shed that was on the property and he was muttering to himself. We approached him and asked questions about the lot. He got kinda angry and told us the guy across the way was selling it. So we walked over and had a chat with Ted. He was a nice guy, a retired airline pilot with a huge RV and he was getting ready to go off on an adventure. He walked us back to the lot and told us the general boundaries of it.

It is a meadow on one end and a marsh on the other and wild woods in between. The meadow was really nice and it smelled really good. Like Nag Champa but woodier. Ted said that there was a pretty island on the other end where the marsh is located but you'd need a boat to go to it since the marsh water is neck deep. We scoffed and dared him to challenge us again. We told Ted that we'd like to take a walk around and see the property.
"Okay but you should take a compass," Ted said.
"I'm used to walking in the wild," My stepfather's exact words were. And so we set off. Down the gentle slope of the meadow to the edge of the treeline.

We entered into the woods and just barged right into the depths of it. It reminded me of some scene from the Dark Crystal, or Krull. The further we went in the darker it got. We trudged on and on. Going in deeper and deeper. We got to a stone wall and past it we could see slick muddy marshy lands. My stepfather has a habit of thinking idealistically about living in nature and understanding the land and so on so forth. He decided to follow the stone wall. Through ferns and branches and spiderwebs and rocky outcroppings. We ventured on like old trappers from times best forgotten.

"Let's go back...", My stepfather says after losing his bearings. "Which way should we go?" He asks. "That way," I stated, because i have a good sense of direction and i had kept my bearing.
"Okay then, lead the way." The landscape got wierder and wierder. "I don't remember this..." He said, the slight flutter of panic quavering in his voice. "Don't worry, it's this way" confidence. After about twenty feet: "No it's this way, there's a clearing over there," he changes course. I let him lead and follow him. "Oh i guess it isn't this way, got any ideas?" he asks. "Yeah let's head back thisaway," I point back to my original heading. "Okay then lead the way," thank you... About another thirty or forty feet: "There's a clearing over there! It's lighter there!" He starts bounding through the brush like a virgin deer. "Oh... I think we're lost.." no you are. "No it's this way,"; "Okay then, lead the way." And so i did. This was repeated another five times.

I started snickering. Trying to hold in my laughter about my stepfather's love for clearings and his constant need to turn to the left. I felt like dashing off, but that would have been really mean. He looked at me with irritation. "We're loooooost.." He tried to straighten me out. "No we're not it's this way," i repeated. We got to another clearing and i could sense the panic starting to rise. I started to question myself too. Was I lost? Was I going to have to bludgeon my stepfather and live off his meats? Was I going to have to become a wildman again? No. We trundled on the heading I suggested. The trees were starting to clear and my stepfather made a turn to the left. He quickly crashed through the plants and came out the other side in the meadow we had started in, except on the neighbours property. I walked out laughing wildly like a deranged squirrel. "If you followed me we would have come out where we came in!" I teased him. "I thought we were lost!" he said sourly. "HAHAHA!" i laughed. it was fun. I guess the lesson is: If you ever get lost don't panic, and don't get infatuated with clearings.

After that I took him and my mom out to Longhorns for some yummy steaks.
And after that we went and watched performers from Africa dance and play instruments. It was good.